She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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