i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In other news, I just burned my penis
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
