Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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