Im at strip club and am horny
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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