he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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