this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
