some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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