Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
