well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
