3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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