I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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