thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
