I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
