i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
