hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
