Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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