She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
