you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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