I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
