I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
