Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
