I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's like iHOP with fire
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
