why didn't you poke me back
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
