Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
