apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
