Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
