there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
FUCK WHALES
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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