He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
