u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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