My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
