smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
