what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
