We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
