My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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