First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
