I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
