Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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