I will die if light touches me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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