U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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