I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
