Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We left an ass print on the piano.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
