She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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