Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
