these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
