also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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