I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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