On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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