I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
