Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
