She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
